Own your last mile

Google Public Policy Blog: What if you could own your Internet connection?

http://arstechnica.com/articles/culture/customer-owned-fiber.ars/

Here's another story of a community who's taking their home network connection into their own hands. A private contractor is building out a fiber network from over 400 homes in Ottawa, Canada to a colo facility where any ISP can set up equiptment and sell internet service to these consumers. This will give the homeonwer the ability to buy their internet from any service provider they like, that's available in the area. More providers means more competition, which invariably means lower prices and bettter/faster innovations. As well as the fact that we won't have to deal with asshats such as Time Warner or Comcast cable systems.

If we all had this ran to our homes, the collective price would be low indeed. Now we just need to work on co-op'ing the cellular providers we'd be set.

Are you a People Pleaser?

I will start off with there is nothing wrong with people pleasing so long as your are able to say no when needed, and have the ability to put your own needs first. It feels good to make others feel good, when it no longer feels good and you are putting your own values and needs below that of others is when it becomes a problem.

I have been afflicted with this many times and I am working at trying to get control of my life, and I have a wonderful man in my life to help me with the progress. This was not so when we first met, I wanted to make him so happy and make extravagant gestures and unforgettable memories. I did this at the cost of my personal needs, every time he was here for a weekend I would make sure I got new lingerie, I would take us out to dinner at places more than I could afford, and one time I even got a themed room at a hotel and went all out and got all these things to make the night special (I will not go into how much that cost) and have a little adventure. Meanwhile I was stressing on how I was going to pay for all of this stuff, I didn't think about that I just wanted to make him happy and I was putting myself in financial danger while doing so. When now I know that he would have been happy doing anything, just as long as he was spending time with me, not that he didn't like the things we did.

People pleasing has also been a problem with me in other areas, I have a hard time when people ask me for a favor, or sometimes I even feel guilty saying no, this is especially the case at work. I go to school full-time and I have been working, and just closed on a house so I am trying to get that organized as well. This summer I have been volunteering as a research assistant in a lab and I said that I would be available from 8-10am Monday thru Friday, well I have come in after work, I have been there all day on weekends when I should be working on other things but it's because I can't say no.

In "Field Guide to the People-Pleaser: May I Serve as Your Doormat?" it discusses how people may have picked up this trait in childhood. I know growing up I had half brothers and sisters so I was always fighting for the attention of my father. I was treated differently because I was not his child, the man raised me since I was two but that is a whole other. Anyway growing up I would try to be the best at everything, and do things he liked but it didn't work so I would keep trying harder. I did this all the way up until I moved out of the house at the age of 19, and the trait stayed with me. I would do favors for people, I would bend over backwards for people and everyone that meets me thinks "I'm the nicest person" but inside I'm angry and frustrated that I have become the go to guy for everything, although since I have started this job it isn't nearly as bad as it used to be.

I heard be more assertive, and being assertive is a good quality, I have tried that hat on too and people don't seem to like those that give their opinions freely and say no. Before I was able to go to school full-time I worked at another company (doing payroll), here I had a more assertive personality and it cost me a lot. I gave my opinion on a new policy that was being implemented that would not be convenient to some of our employees in another state, and immediately an email went out saying that anyone that has an issue with this new policy is part of the problem and the past. This happened during performance reviews and needless to say mine was horrible, when just 4 months prior it was outstanding and I received a nice raise. After this had happened work just got worse, and eventually they pushed my buttons so hard I quit.

This is a 3 part series on parent-pleasing to people-pleasing it contains information on the characteristics of people pleasing, and how to stray away from those habits and work on pleasing yourself:
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/from-parent-pleasing-people-pleasing-the-journey-away-self-and-the-wa
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/from-parent-pleasing-people-pleasing-the-journey-away-self-and-the-w-0
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200807/from-parent-pleasing-people-pleasing-the-journey-away-self-and-the-w-1


Writing this blog has been wonderful and lets me express MY views and opinions....I think today I am going to go home make what I want for dinner and then lay in bed for 15 mins while listening to some relaxing music as a special treat to myself and to get away

what are you going to do??

The facinating field of Anthropology

The field of anthropology has not always been an interest to me until I first saw National Geographic's series Taboo, which if no one has seen I highly recommend. One episode I remember seeing talked about raising children. The first part of the series showed typical American traditions when raising a child, then it went to the amazon, and then raising children in some parts of India. The differences were astonishing, and I have been hooked since and that was years ago. At the time I was like most Americans, we think everyone lives like we do, raises families like we do, and have the same mannerisms. Some Americans even forget that there are other cultures and countries out there (thankfully I was never that bad!)

I have signed up for many feeds and one of those is the psychology today blogs which I have referenced many times. I came across Thinking about cultural differences I: An introduction and Thinking about cultural differences II: Why bother? both of these discuss differences in culture and how in the field of psychology learning about different cultures has become important to understanding behavioral differences, and trying to get a better understanding the social norms in other cultures. So why is it important to learn about other cultures, religions, points of view, etc? Doing all of those things makes one a more well "rounded" person, makes a person more open and understanding. What you may find offensive may be a normal part of life in another society , it helps people understand boundaries. Not only that but it's important to learn thoughts and beliefs that aren't the same as your own because it makes people more open minded and might actually help mold your own views on something when you get more than one point of view on something. Most people never agree with other people when their views do not fit into our own, it would be a good lesson for everyone if they just took the time to open their eyes to see that there is more out there than just themselves. I have taken one anthropology course and hope to take another one, I believe it makes me a better and more versatile person for doing so. I enjoy talking to those with different opinions than my own, it makes for better conversation and I like to see why people believe one thing and I like to share why I believe another.


I believe if more people did this even religion and politics would no longer be one of those no nos to bring up in conversation ;)

It's Your Fault, No it's Your Fault

Unfortunately I have played this game I came across The Road to Marriage Ruin Begins with Blame although I am not married, I am in a committed relationship and my partner and I have been together for a while now. While reading this I started thinking about all of our little "tussles" we have been in and it's true most of them start because either I am cranky or he is. We even had one last night which was my fault, although at the time I blamed him. I had to work late which wasn't planned, and then by the time I got home I was starving so I was already moody. We got into a "run-in" for no reason other than I was being irritable. In this feed it gives questions you should ask yourself when disagreements do occur and you blame the person you are with:

1. What were you doing or experiencing immediately before that negative emotion?
2. How did you feel when you woke up on the morning of the incident you described?
3. Did any other negative events happen that day, before the incident you described?
4. Had you been feeling connected to your partner before the event that triggered the negative emotion?
5. What was your partner doing/experiencing immediately before your negative emotion?
6. How did he/she feel first thing in the morning?
7. Did any other negative events happen on that day, before the incident you described?
8. Had your partner been feeling connected to you before the event that triggered the negative emotion?

I did apologize for the way I was acting last night and it was before I read this, so I do realize when I am at fault and he isn't, I just need to realize it sooner and remember that the only reason I'm in a bad mood is because of MY day and not my partners. Maybe if more couples realized that everyone would go back to being the "cute" couple holding hands while walking down the street.